Well, for many reasons, I guess. Is the simple answer.
“You never realise how lonely you are until it’s the end of the day and you have got a bunch of things to talk about and no-one to talk to” *
I was 18 when I reverted to Islam, after moving away from my small town of Eastbourne to London where there were muslims in abundance. I met the father of my children shortly afterwards and got married quickly, moving into his family home.
I was lonely, I’d just moved to a new area, where I really didn’t have any friends and couldn’t contact my old friends as we were now living drastically different lives. We didn’t have children until a year into the marriage when we were blessed with Shu’Ayb. I became even lonelier after the birth of Shu’Ayb especially as we’d now moved into our own flat. All of my time and energy went into him only to find out shortly after that I was pregnant again with Ay’yub. I think from there my emotions went spiralling downwards, now don’t get me wrong I LOVE my children but here I was a woman with so much ambition tied down with two children. I’d had to put university on hold and was not sure for how long. My life consisted of changing nappies, feeding and tiding. That was when I broke down, I didn’t leave the four walls of my flat as I didn’t really have anyone to visit in the area for weeks at a time and that was when my mother stepped in.
Now I’m much happier; I’m just about to finish my first year of university, my babies are growing so quickly Shu’Ayb is now 2 and Ay’yub is 1. I still don’t know that many people but my circle of friends is growing a little haha. After that I made the decision that I never want to be one of those women who blame their kids for all the things that they could have done. Children or not, I’m going to do whatever I put my mind to, the only difference is I have two beautiful boys fighting in my corner.
So I hope you’ll join my circle of friends, right? And stick around to see where life takes us.
*Quote was found on Pinterest.